Weather in my heart - Cloudy

***********
CASE I
***********
Why this always happen?? the one that u like, he doesn't like u. the one that u have no chemistry reaction is going after u??

now only i know, i'm NOT the only one. To him, me and her are the same.
I though i'm SPECIAL which in fact i'm NOT!! NOT!! NOT at all!!


idiot!!! stupid!! fxcker!!! moron!!!
王八蛋!! 臭鸡蛋!! 坏蛋!! 蠢蛋!!
Babi! Bodoh! Benci betul!

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
i really hate myself for being so super duper damn fxcking DUMB right now!!
FINE!! there are more fishes in the sea, why u, stupid ikan bilis!!

***********
CASE II
***********
i think i need to seek for psychiatrist's advices on HOW-TO not treating my mum as my enemy. i don't want to spend the rest of my life in regret.

everytime when she called me, i was not talking nicely to her. 1st, the coverage is not good at home (JB), conversation is breaking; so i need to speak louder. 2ndly, don't know why, i'll never ever talk nicely to her. why ah???

i remember myself used to be very manja, like to stick with her when she was back. Wanting her to feed me even though i was already standard 6 that time, otherwise i won't eat.

i think the change started ever since i had moved in to live with her in our own house in JB. Due to $$$, i guess. we argued almost everyday when we were staying together, worst till i ever tried to commit suicide twice. Of course, i didn't succeed, otherwise it'll be GHOST who is blogging at this page now.....

She is my only family in this world. I have been wanting her to enjoy the rest of her life when i start working. I want her to be the happiest mum ever, be proud of me, a daughter that she can brag around. However... maybe i'm a good daughter in the eyes of relatives or friends. Deep down, i know i'm not. As i never talk nice to her. Oh, god! help me... i really need some helps here, to change our relationship. To be a real family who can share our joys and tears, going through the difficulties, challenges and even our love together just like those Taiwanese drama's family.

i think this is the reason why i don't like to watch Hong Kong drama, they like to fight each other even though their blood are deeply connected for the wealth.